Have you guys ever go through the unwanted feelings? No? Let me tell you about it. It sucks, alot. People ignore you, people treat you like you don't even exist and the worst part is, they start to talk less to you. And it even hurts more when the "people" is your friends. Sumpah wei sakit hati sangat sangat. No honey, I am not having my PMS, this is real. Another one thing which hurts, semakin ramai orang yang kerek dengan kita. If I am that bad to you, I apologise. I swear tak pernah ada niat to be rude & etc to you people. But please, I am a normal human being, I have feelings too. Siang malam terfikir, jahat sangat ke aku ni sampai kena layan mcmni. Kadang kadang jealous tengok orang yang disayangi oleh kawan kawan dia. Jealous tengok dia ramai kawan. I want to feel being loved.

Was reading through my old posts and I admit I was stupid. Wasted half of my life crying for someone who doesn't even worth my tears. Hey anw, hi bloggers! :-) Its been awhile since I update ey? I just don't have passion in blogging anymore. People will judge me through this. Well judgemental and ugly society, that's what we teenagers have to go through nowdays. Want it or not, you have to go through these. It breaks my heart seeing people bashing and judging other kids here and there. Tak percaya? Go try tweeting a tweet yang agak hina bagi orang luar, you'll get bash. Or else pick a fight w those twitfamous or whtever shit they call it. Terus jadi drama on Twitter and you'll be the topic trending. No honey, Facebook/Tumblr/Blogspot and even Twitter is not a safe place anymore. Own private diary is the best ;-) Mum was right at the first place.

So what to blog? I don't know. This is all Fadhleen's fault for forcing me to blog. Go follow her or read her blog --> http://isawamonkey.blogspot.com

And yeah, I'm done with my Form 2 learning experience. To be frankly speaking, I dropped. I mean, my studies. Been dissapointing my parents with C's and D's and I even failed Maths, once. The abit-clever-Fatin dissapeared. I have done my finals, waiting for le results. Don't really mind abt getting how many A's and such, but I'm worried if I dropped to the lower class, no, just NO. That unacceptable. Well past is past, I can only tawakal and learn my mistakes. I have even started tuition for Form 3, let's buckle up babeyh! :-) Weh jap, form 3, PMR year... o.O

Holidays resolution :

- redecorate my room. I just hate how empty it looks.

- mantapkan ilmu agama ;-)

- buckle up with my form 1 and form 2 syllabus! A MUST.

- LOST WEIGHT. I NEED A FLAT TUMMY AND A SMALLER THIGHS AND A LIGHTER WEIGHT.

- Collect money to redo my hair/ a lomo.

- Shopping! $$$$

Last but not least, I wanna learn how to play music instruments. A guitar or a piano will be good enough.

Well this is it. As I said, no more updating private things on my blog or any social network. Judgemental society ey. Assalamualaikum bloggers! Mwa :*

Goodluck 94's! Don't waste your 11 years of learning experience. Try your very best! :-) x

So Syawal pass by but it was not like what I expected, I don't really feel the raya vibe. But whatever la kan, as long as duit raya still masuk $_$ But overall, I enjoyed my August and September so far :-) Especially after joining for Malaysia Day Parade, my life was getting better. Except the part I am 12942104719421 darker right now.

So okay, lemme update you gaiz about the Malaysia Day Parade since I am pretty much missing it right now. So the practice starts on the second/third week of fasting month till last Wednesday. Can't deny it was extremely tiring. The first two weeks of practice was in school, third week was in Stadium Bukit Jalil and then the last week was in Dataran Merdeka. Imagine getting up at 2.30 just to be in school by 4? ;)

And oh yes, I have even met one of my 7 wonders in the world!!!! But he's a guy tho but whatever la kan. The way he talks, the way he smiles, and his face is similar like mine. No not similar. EXACTLY like mine. Nak letak gambar here, to much paparazzi so no.

Singing along to the songs in the bus, main hujan, mengadu to each other how hot the weather was, getting new friends from schools all over in selangor, berebut nak masuk tv during the real day, and so much more. I have enjoyed throughout the whole thing. And did I tell you we'll be getting kaching?! Yes, rm210 :B

So this will forever be in my heart. x

It ends tonight.

I deactivate my Facebook, I am no longer tweeting for this few days, I am phoneless. Well, things I do to avoid from you, even seeing your name. Deeply hurt bruh, deeply hurt. Well as you said, 'sekejap je tu, nanti ramai lelaki pujuk kau.' You sure that's what I really need? My life isn't about boys only. Thank you so much for this, and EVERYTHING else too. Well I should really send a text saying how sorry I am and such but I ain't strong enough this time. Wait till the right time comes. Oh yes maybe people around me would be saying, 'you're still a kid, you're just 14, you don't know what heartbreak is, how does it feel' BULLSHIT. If I don't know how it feels, that's stupid cause I can feel the heart pain last night, I swear I did. I swear I cried macam tomorrow is the end of the world. What hurts the most? Knowing peole on the other side is fuckng happy and well, I'm here, blogging how bad it feels. How bad it kills me. But, I don't blame you at all for this. Everything ada hikmah la kan? Sigh okay bye! Assalamualaikum!

Enjoy your Ramadan lovely people :-)

I was in my class, trying to smash my head for not revising History and all of sudden, out of nowhere, I heard sirens from ambulances and fire trucks all around me. And the reality world suddenly hit me. I was imagining how lucky I was to be right there, safe and sound while people on the other side of the world might be dying, screaming for help when I'm all here, complaining how fuck up my life is when actually it isn't, well only some part of it. I have been literally dying for this past few weeks because of le heartbreaks and problems everywhere. I have been wasting my nights crying to sleep when I could actually watch movie with my family or maybe study for finals. Now I have realized how wasted my life is since high school year started. Let's put away le insecure feeling, the sad and heartbroken feelings away and be happy like how I used to. Yes I know I can't be happy forever but hey, its been months since I was truly cheerful and strong enough to knock everything down. I have tons of plan on my head right now which is to direct a healthy lifestyle, way healthy then being such an emotional girl. Time to wake up from the syaitans and do my prayers. Time to stop saying 'ah, wait, kejap ah' or maybe even scream to my parents and start obeying them and respect them fully. Time to be there 24/7 for my friends thru up and down and be there whenever something stops them from being happy. And lastly, time to hit the books and study like how smart people do. Mhm what about boyfriends? Well let's put them aside for the moment. I have been hurting so much of people cause to be frankly speaking, I am not good enough to be anyone's. Yes trying asking my ex's how bad I was to them. Well I'm not saying that I won't have any boyfriends till I'm 18 or something. Well that's a total lie. Well there is, insyaAllah but for what I know, its not gonna be next month or not for this moment. But but but, can't promise to le world I would stop cursing, I would stop laughing like its le end of the world, can't promise I would change drastically about how I dress and start wearing hijab and all, can't promise I won't be online 24/7 cause I can't breathe a day without Tweeting, I should really get an award for being such a tweetwhore you know.. But wtv it is, Hi I'm Fatin and I am changing myself, in a good way :) Assalamualaikum, X