Have you guys ever go through the unwanted feelings? No? Let me tell you about it. It sucks, alot. People ignore you, people treat you like you don't even exist and the worst part is, they start to talk less to you. And it even hurts more when the "people" is your friends. Sumpah wei sakit hati sangat sangat. No honey, I am not having my PMS, this is real. Another one thing which hurts, semakin ramai orang yang kerek dengan kita. If I am that bad to you, I apologise. I swear tak pernah ada niat to be rude & etc to you people. But please, I am a normal human being, I have feelings too. Siang malam terfikir, jahat sangat ke aku ni sampai kena layan mcmni. Kadang kadang jealous tengok orang yang disayangi oleh kawan kawan dia. Jealous tengok dia ramai kawan. I want to feel being loved.

Was reading through my old posts and I admit I was stupid. Wasted half of my life crying for someone who doesn't even worth my tears. Hey anw, hi bloggers! :-) Its been awhile since I update ey? I just don't have passion in blogging anymore. People will judge me through this. Well judgemental and ugly society, that's what we teenagers have to go through nowdays. Want it or not, you have to go through these. It breaks my heart seeing people bashing and judging other kids here and there. Tak percaya? Go try tweeting a tweet yang agak hina bagi orang luar, you'll get bash. Or else pick a fight w those twitfamous or whtever shit they call it. Terus jadi drama on Twitter and you'll be the topic trending. No honey, Facebook/Tumblr/Blogspot and even Twitter is not a safe place anymore. Own private diary is the best ;-) Mum was right at the first place.

So what to blog? I don't know. This is all Fadhleen's fault for forcing me to blog. Go follow her or read her blog --> http://isawamonkey.blogspot.com

And yeah, I'm done with my Form 2 learning experience. To be frankly speaking, I dropped. I mean, my studies. Been dissapointing my parents with C's and D's and I even failed Maths, once. The abit-clever-Fatin dissapeared. I have done my finals, waiting for le results. Don't really mind abt getting how many A's and such, but I'm worried if I dropped to the lower class, no, just NO. That unacceptable. Well past is past, I can only tawakal and learn my mistakes. I have even started tuition for Form 3, let's buckle up babeyh! :-) Weh jap, form 3, PMR year... o.O

Holidays resolution :

- redecorate my room. I just hate how empty it looks.

- mantapkan ilmu agama ;-)

- buckle up with my form 1 and form 2 syllabus! A MUST.

- LOST WEIGHT. I NEED A FLAT TUMMY AND A SMALLER THIGHS AND A LIGHTER WEIGHT.

- Collect money to redo my hair/ a lomo.

- Shopping! $$$$

Last but not least, I wanna learn how to play music instruments. A guitar or a piano will be good enough.

Well this is it. As I said, no more updating private things on my blog or any social network. Judgemental society ey. Assalamualaikum bloggers! Mwa :*

Goodluck 94's! Don't waste your 11 years of learning experience. Try your very best! :-) x

So Syawal pass by but it was not like what I expected, I don't really feel the raya vibe. But whatever la kan, as long as duit raya still masuk $_$ But overall, I enjoyed my August and September so far :-) Especially after joining for Malaysia Day Parade, my life was getting better. Except the part I am 12942104719421 darker right now.

So okay, lemme update you gaiz about the Malaysia Day Parade since I am pretty much missing it right now. So the practice starts on the second/third week of fasting month till last Wednesday. Can't deny it was extremely tiring. The first two weeks of practice was in school, third week was in Stadium Bukit Jalil and then the last week was in Dataran Merdeka. Imagine getting up at 2.30 just to be in school by 4? ;)

And oh yes, I have even met one of my 7 wonders in the world!!!! But he's a guy tho but whatever la kan. The way he talks, the way he smiles, and his face is similar like mine. No not similar. EXACTLY like mine. Nak letak gambar here, to much paparazzi so no.

Singing along to the songs in the bus, main hujan, mengadu to each other how hot the weather was, getting new friends from schools all over in selangor, berebut nak masuk tv during the real day, and so much more. I have enjoyed throughout the whole thing. And did I tell you we'll be getting kaching?! Yes, rm210 :B

So this will forever be in my heart. x

It ends tonight.

I deactivate my Facebook, I am no longer tweeting for this few days, I am phoneless. Well, things I do to avoid from you, even seeing your name. Deeply hurt bruh, deeply hurt. Well as you said, 'sekejap je tu, nanti ramai lelaki pujuk kau.' You sure that's what I really need? My life isn't about boys only. Thank you so much for this, and EVERYTHING else too. Well I should really send a text saying how sorry I am and such but I ain't strong enough this time. Wait till the right time comes. Oh yes maybe people around me would be saying, 'you're still a kid, you're just 14, you don't know what heartbreak is, how does it feel' BULLSHIT. If I don't know how it feels, that's stupid cause I can feel the heart pain last night, I swear I did. I swear I cried macam tomorrow is the end of the world. What hurts the most? Knowing peole on the other side is fuckng happy and well, I'm here, blogging how bad it feels. How bad it kills me. But, I don't blame you at all for this. Everything ada hikmah la kan? Sigh okay bye! Assalamualaikum!

Enjoy your Ramadan lovely people :-)

I was in my class, trying to smash my head for not revising History and all of sudden, out of nowhere, I heard sirens from ambulances and fire trucks all around me. And the reality world suddenly hit me. I was imagining how lucky I was to be right there, safe and sound while people on the other side of the world might be dying, screaming for help when I'm all here, complaining how fuck up my life is when actually it isn't, well only some part of it. I have been literally dying for this past few weeks because of le heartbreaks and problems everywhere. I have been wasting my nights crying to sleep when I could actually watch movie with my family or maybe study for finals. Now I have realized how wasted my life is since high school year started. Let's put away le insecure feeling, the sad and heartbroken feelings away and be happy like how I used to. Yes I know I can't be happy forever but hey, its been months since I was truly cheerful and strong enough to knock everything down. I have tons of plan on my head right now which is to direct a healthy lifestyle, way healthy then being such an emotional girl. Time to wake up from the syaitans and do my prayers. Time to stop saying 'ah, wait, kejap ah' or maybe even scream to my parents and start obeying them and respect them fully. Time to be there 24/7 for my friends thru up and down and be there whenever something stops them from being happy. And lastly, time to hit the books and study like how smart people do. Mhm what about boyfriends? Well let's put them aside for the moment. I have been hurting so much of people cause to be frankly speaking, I am not good enough to be anyone's. Yes trying asking my ex's how bad I was to them. Well I'm not saying that I won't have any boyfriends till I'm 18 or something. Well that's a total lie. Well there is, insyaAllah but for what I know, its not gonna be next month or not for this moment. But but but, can't promise to le world I would stop cursing, I would stop laughing like its le end of the world, can't promise I would change drastically about how I dress and start wearing hijab and all, can't promise I won't be online 24/7 cause I can't breathe a day without Tweeting, I should really get an award for being such a tweetwhore you know.. But wtv it is, Hi I'm Fatin and I am changing myself, in a good way :) Assalamualaikum, X

So today was ze Convent's Canteen Day. Um to be honest it was okay... the foods are expensive and its not that good. Omg i'm gonna get in jail after they read this. Sorry you gaiz, just being honest :( There were tons of people, especially guys. Well you knw, to flirt with the chicks and all. So I was hanging out most of the time w Fadhleen, Azeem, Syazlin, Abert, Shereen, Adriana, Farissa and tenene. Banyak gila, malas nak type, sorry :( And I got my hair sprayed so right now I am having a purple streak on my hair. Hoyeah, be jelly! And even a butterly tattoo. So yes, I wasted my money on those things and drinks. I ate once only... Walked around, approached ppl back, hugged them and such. It was a wonderful thing to do. Wanna know who's the best hugger? Yatt! She freaking squeezed me ok hahaha. Naw at the end everything went smooth, nothing to be complained about cause at least I had fun meeting new people.

So I am texting my boy right now while arguing with Fadhleen on Twitter. She tweeted this, Tak suka kawan dgn @ftnnbla. Semua nak tegur dia apa semua and im standing beside her mcm tunggul -.-

She said that just because people said hi to me ): Kesian i hahaha. Naw, whatever it is, you're my favourite bitch.

And readers, is it possible for me to sent letters to my boy every week through mail? yes I meant the one that goes thrght the post man. Boleh tak boleh tak?!

PERDANA JUARA

I am supposed to be sleeping right now but I can't cause I am sick like a cow :( moo~ Anyways, today was Sports Day! Over all it was fun, lost in acara lari dalam guni tho. That is for sukan rakyat, shut up. At least I had fun. Was awake by 4.25 am! see how semangat I am hahaha. Arrived there, rush up to ze library to get a better view for the pertandingan kawad. They are seriously awesome ok. They are all tanned right now but I think it was worth it. Wasn't really paying 100% attention on it cause you-know-who-it-is was sitting right next to the other rack... okay wtv. And the next thing I remembered I serang canteen cause I was freaking hungry but there was no food ok :'( Then after that I was all over the place, with different people each time I walked around. I iz cool liddat. And and and the next thing I knw I was at the racing point fr acara lari dalam guni. Racing point eh? Whatever la. I was freaking slow ok, tak tahu either I should jump or run in it haha. I think everyone's camera has my photos ): Macam Teletubbies.. Then I was the photographer for PKBM which stands for Persatuan Kadet Bersatu Malaysia. They actually made my day ok, by saying HI as if I'm a actress or senang cerita amoi cina. Haha or a Flight Attendant! Awan Fatin. Rasa #glamz kejap :b Ah there are so many things to be typed over here but I am so lazy. Bukannya ada orang baca pun right? Cakap sorang ni sebernanya. But anyways, *drumrolls* PERDANA WON NUMBER 3 BABY! We dropped from number one but at least we are in top three and we did our best (; PERDANA MEMBARA PERDANA JUARA~

Loads of love, Fatin xx

The same shit everyday

HI did I tell you I was not in school today but I was at home, doing nothing? Tak eh? Oh okay dah tau la ni kan. Bagus la. Okay whatever. I am not okay rn so I guess this is it? In the rating frm 0-10, I think I'm in 0.5 only. I don't know what's wrong either. Sigh I need my boy. mhm so long suckerss! Okay jahatnya. Goodbye loves! :) xx

THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Happy Father's Day Daddy! I swear I love you so much eventho you could be so annoying at times. Aah you are! :b Thank you for taking care of me with full of love since I was born. Thank you for sending me here and there, thank you for finishing up my folio. And thank you so much for your kaching $$$$. But i want more ): hihi on top of it, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING and only Allah could repay your kindness and love towards me. Stay handsome, i love you so much daddykins! Pinky promise :) xoxo

Hey hi whaddup people! Okay no, assalamualaikum! That's better hahaha. The photo up there explains everything, everything is ok, life is getting better. Well no actually but let's just pretend I'm happy enough and I can handle with the shizz around me. But but my mid term results are bad as hell :( I don't know how can I be that stupid. What else to talk eh? Oh yessss I'm on diet! No seriously, a real diet. I have been eating rice once or twice a week and that's it. I'm awesome, I know. Cuma I haven't timbang yet, takut pula haha. My 2 weeks break was quite awesome eventho I had to babysit my lil boys. And guesss who I met? My babygirl Ateeqah in Singapore and my love! tenene you-know-who-he-is. Lol not gonna expose him yet now. eee i dislike using 'LOL', tak ikhlasnya. okay whatever. So on the first weekend of holidays I was in Singapore just to meet Ateeqah! Went shopping with her in Vivo Mall. She's so cute and tiny liddat. And i swear I love her to the max! pictures? no uh, lupa :( Then then then, the second week I met my favourite boy <3 :D I get to spend for like 2 hours with him only but it was seriously worth it. He is the sweetest guy on Earth. He is so charming in his own way and he's mine so back off bitches! Eh wait, siapa orangnya pun you guys don't know. Ala biar la.

Okay that's it, will blog again later! Have fun xx

I miss you alot boy.

things are different lately, my life changed alot since the day he left. Yes he left. Since then, life was so complicated. So much challenges from Allah. I swear there wasn't even a day I go through without crying. Tears were rolling on my cheeks every single day. In classes, in my own room, and even when im eating. things get worse whenever im alone. But on the bright side, i get to know who are my real friends. Well during those hard times, most of them are missing but new ones show up. The ones who I thought who i can rely on, hope on are the ones who went missing, most of them are my bestfriends. I'm not gonna mention it here cause you know who you are.

But insyaAllah, with the power of Allah, i can fight this! So long bloggers, xx

I think I wanna marry you

Straight A's? Dalam mimpi. Well at least for now I got an A for History. The others.. I DNT KNW. I guess I'll be getting a red mark in my report card this time. And yknow what, everytime after tiru orang during the exams, it would be raining like hell. Loud thunders and lightning. Allah marah I guess :/ No im not lying okay hahaha. Yes Fatin dah pandai dah tiru orang sekarang ni. Haha dah i gtg, Internet is being abit bitchy tonight. toodles, xx

Exam in a few days, heads full w notes. Well hopefully straight A's this time. And moreover its March, so everything shld be finee. and did i tell you my BIRTHDAY IS AROUND THE CORNER? haha I do countdown everyday okaay. Mhm back to books! xx

I miss you boyfriend ♥

Okay so I dislike hate this feeling being ditched, being pushed away, being ignored. You act as if, 'oh kau tak penting pun in my life. Nanti je la baru aku cari kau' I HATE EM.

Dashboard penuh dengan post about Kem Kepimpinan. Saya pun nak jugak :p

Okay so I had less than 5 hours of sleep before that, than arnd 6.09 AZ woke me up by sending a wake up call. 6.30 sharp I was in school but yang lain? Hampeh :p Hahaha okay no offense. The breakfast was so untasty k, except for the curry puff :3 The motivation by Cikgu Aziz was quite okay. Well honestly I was not really listening cause my mind was set to smthng else actually. The camp ends around 12.30, and we got chicken rice for lunch :B super tasty and it was not enough for me :p haha k thts itt, boiye! xx

From ALC College to One Utama to Giant Damansara and finally home. Hectic day but at least I got my BR! :) mhm well I am bored. Everyone is enjoying Saturday night. Adik pun hyper macam orang mabuk lagi. AZ lepak. Anne baby tak online :/ mhm #sadcase kan? Well luckily Zaid is here and we are crapping abt driving each other to school, haha. Okay, i should just take a long shower and watch tv later on! Toodles, xx

And you shld buy Seventeen Magazine this month! Ili Nadhrah's in it and I swear she looks awesome :D hihi kbai.

So is this a new chapter for me? Will this one really last like how I expected it to be? Is this even real or some kind of fantasy? The answers are all in your hand. ANSWER ME.

Okay so this is a random post specially done for you! Well day by day you're getting sweeter actually, haha. You actly mend my heart by the sweet words and such, i appreciate it alot! Well I guess you are making me fall for you :] cehh ayat, haha. thtsss it, not gonna say anything anymore :p xx

You make me fall for you.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII EVERYONE.
the last time I update was a month ago? haha sorry folks. So I'm supposed to be at schl now but I'm still tired due to the cross country yesterday. Dnt ever ask me what number I got. Haha I swear its abit heart breaking when all the form 1's could actly run faster than me. I actly regret tho for being too fast on Tuesday but on the real day, pancit habis. But nah, I shld just put tht aside. Its not a big deal or smthng. At least I tried :) And to you boy, you shld just stop hoping cause I couldnt love you more than a bestfriend. Not that I didnt try okay, I did. Bak kata pepatah Melayu, cinta bertepuk sebelah tangan. Haha okay, merepek dah. But I'm sorry okay, I have got my own choice already. AND YES TO THE OTHERS WHO HAVE BEEN WONDERING WHT HAPPEN TO MY RELATIONSHIP BEFORE, the thing has ended. Or in the other words, forever is over. I have literally moved on. You could say I'm a heartless beetch or whatever you want but nothing is gonna changed. I knw he did everything just to get me back but I'm tired of the game. I have got my own right to choose whatever I want. And im happy w my life now. and you need to understand tht whtever we had for the last 1 year is just a piece of memories, nothing more than that. So long, goodbye.